


breathe

by ChocolatteKitty_Kat



Series: i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it [5]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Romance, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romance, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 05:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19996780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolatteKitty_Kat/pseuds/ChocolatteKitty_Kat
Summary: After recovering the last of the Scarlet Eyes and laying his brethren to rest, all Kurapika can think of is finding Leorio.





	breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this ended up being a L O N G one... Anyways, this piece was inspired by an artwork I found on Tumblr, here: https://morfiumd.tumblr .com/post/149321855570 (take out the space between tumblr and .com) So uh... enjoy! I think this is my favorite one in this series so far, so I hope you all love it too! Please feel free to comment and let me know what you think!!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter X Hunter, Kurapika, Leorio, or Zepile, but I do own this story! Cross-posting between ChocolatteKitty-Kat on FF.net and Ao3 and maliciousbubbl3s on Tumblr.

_ Tap tap tap. _

The knock was so quiet that Leorio almost didn't hear it. If he hadn't been looking for any reason to stop studying, he would definitely have ignored it. As it was, he jumped up, sending his chair scooting backwards, and practically bolted out of his room, only to find Zepile with his hand already on the doorknob. Leorio ducked into the kitchen instead, as though it was his plan all along, and started making himself a snack.  _ Probably one of Zepile's friends or clients anyways _ , he sighed.

When Zepile opened the door, he found a petit blond, dressed sharply in a smart black suit. "Uh… did we have an appointment?" he scratched the back of his head.

The blond took a step back. "I think I have the wrong place," he stammered. "I was looking for… someone else."

Zepile arched an eyebrow. "And who might that be?"

"An old friend," the blond smiled fondly. "He's not expecting me, but I just wanted to stop by and say… hello, I guess."

Zepile nodded. "Hey, Leorio!" he bellowed back into the apartment so loud that Kurapika jumped and took another step back.

Leorio poked his head around the corner from the kitchen and promptly dropped both his plate and his jaw. "K-Kurapika?"

Kurapika's blue eyes were wide with shock. "Leorio?" he whispered.

"You're cleaning that up," Zepile grumbled. He glanced between Leorio, frozen in shock in the kitchen doorway, and Kurapika, trembling in the hallway, and rolled his eyes. "I'm… going to go buy a pack of smokes. And smoke the whole thing. And maybe get dinner. I'll be back later." He stepped into the hall, gave Kurapika a gentle shove through the door, and slammed it shut behind him.

"Uh… wow," Leorio rubbed his arm. "It's, uh… good to see you? Yeah. It is. Really good, actually. I mean, how long has it been? It feels like years. You haven't even been coming to Zodiac meetings. Which, by the way, Cheadle keeps giving  _ me _ a hard time for, so it would be great if you could just, like, give her a call if you're not going to show up. And speaking of calls, it wouldn't kill you to pick up your phone once in a while! Or at least answer a text or email. There are actually some people in this world who wouldn't mind hearing from you, even if it's just like 'hey, by the way, I'm not dead yet' every once in a while…" He trailed off, noticing the moisture in Kurapika's eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kurapika murmured. "It's just… good to see you too."

Leorio laughed. "Yeah. It is. Hey, you hungry? I kind of just dropped my sandwich, so I guess I'll make another one… you want anything?"

"Sure," Kurapika smiled softly. "Do you want a hand cleaning that up?"

"Nah, I'm fine," Leorio bent down and started picking up pieces of the broken plate. "Why don't you sit down over there? We can talk while I do this."

Kurapika sat down on the chair Leorio had indicated and watched the tall man as he cleaned the broken plate off the floor. "Are you sure you don't want help?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Leorio laughed. "Hey, how have you been? Like I said, it's been a while."

"I'm… fine," Kurapika said. "What about you? How is med school going?"

"Not bad," Leorio shrugged, putting the last of the glass into an empty coffee can. "I've only failed two classes, so far, mostly because I got busy with Zodiac stuff. It's hard, but it's not bad."

"Have you heard from Gon and Killua lately?" Kurapika asked.

"I get postcards and emails and stuff every now and then," Leorio shrugged. "Seems like they're doing well."

"That's good," Kurapika smiled.

"But something tells me you didn't track me down just to ask about Gon and Killua," Leorio joined Kurapika at the table, carrying two sandwiches.

"No, not really," Kurapika admitted.

"Well?" Leorio prompted.

Kurapika stared down at his lap, hands balled into fists. When he looked up, Leorio could see tears running down his face. "I found them," he whispered. "All of them."

"The eyes?" Leorio asked, his voice soft.

"Yes," Kurapika nodded. "I was able to return them all to my brethren and lay them to rest."

"Wow," Leorio leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. "That's amazing. I'm really happy for you."

Kurapika smiled, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "Thanks."

"What are you going to do next?" Leorio asked.

"I'm not really sure…" Kurapika sighed, leaning forward and resting his arms on the table. "After the funeral… all I could think about was coming to see you, so that I could tell you what had happened."

.*.*.*.*.*.

Once they had cleaned up from lunch, Kurapika and Leorio moved into the latter's bedroom. Leorio sat cross-legged on the bed, allowing Kurapika to take the desk chair.

"So, what made you decide to come see me?" Leorio asked.

Kurapika hesitated. "To be honest, I'm… not really sure. It was just the first thing I thought of when I completed my goal. I just… wanted to see you."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to see you too, I'm just surprised is all," Leorio said. "I'm… really glad to know you're okay, too."

Kurapika smiled slightly. "You know, for the first time in a while, I really think I might be. Or, at least, could be."

"Give it time," Leorio shrugged. "You've been through more than your fair share of trauma. You need to let that heal. Once it does, you might be surprised to discover that you're a whole new person." To his utter surprise, Kurapika laughed. "Hey, what's that about!?"

"I'm sorry," Kurapika was still grinning-- _ how have I never noticed how  _ pretty  _ he is when he smiles? _ Leorio mused--but had at least stopped laughing. "I just never expected something so wise to come from you, of all people."

"Excuse me?" Leorio glared.  _ I take it back _ .

"Sorry, that came out wrong," Kurapika blushed. "It's not that I think you're stupid, because you're definitely not. I've never  _ really _ thought you were, no matter what I said back during the Hunter Exam. You're just not always the best at… articulation."

Leorio narrowed his gaze even further. "I still feel insulted."

"Sorry," Kurapika's flush deepened, the red spreading from his cheeks to his nose and ears. "I really didn't mean it that way."

Leorio stared at the blond for a long moment, taking in every inch of his appearance, as though he might vanish again in an instant.  _ He might, really. He could walk out that door and never come back. _ "I missed you," he blurted out before he even knew what he was saying.

Kurapika's head shot up, feathery blond hair falling away to frame his face. "I missed you too."

"No, I mean…" Leorio jumped to his feet and paced a few times in the space between him and Kurapika, then dropped to his knees in front of the smaller man, grabbing both of his hands before Kurapika could pull away. "Look, there's something I want to say, and I'd really appreciate it if you listened to the whole thing before you make up your mind."

Kurapika nodded hesitantly, letting his hands rest in Leorio's on his lap.

Now that he had his attention, Leorio didn't know where to start.  _ Might as well just say it all, in case I never do get to see him again _ , he gulped. "Ever… ever since that day we met, back during the Hunter Exam, I've been trying to figure out how I felt about you. At first, I thought I hated you. You were  _ so _ annoying, I couldn't bring myself to think of you as anything but a rival back on the ship. But, the longer the exam went on, and the more time we spent together, the more I began to realize that I  _ definitely _ didn't hate you. Sure, you were still annoying, but somehow… less? I guess that's right. By the end of the exam, I didn't even really think that any more. And then, when we all went to find Killua together, I was just so happy that I got to spend more time with you, and I didn't even realize how much I was truly coming to care about you. Maybe even as more than a friend…

"And then we got Killua back, and we all went our separate ways, and I couldn't understand why my heart felt like it was breaking so much. All I could think about was seeing you again. I counted down the days to September first, and the closer it got, the more excited I was, and the more scared I was. Excited that I would be able to see you again, and scared at the thought that I would probably lose you again. When I got to the city and found Killua and Gon, it was great, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. And then the more time that passed in which we couldn't get in touch with you, the more scared I got. I was utterly terrified at the thought of losing you completely, and I kept imagining all these worst-case scenarios, and, like, picturing you dead in a ditch somewhere or something. There were worse ones than that, actually, but I don't really want to talk about those.

"Anyway, when we finally found you, and you were  _ okay, _ it was everything I could do to not run up and hold you in my arms and never let you go again, but, uh, that didn't really seem like something that would be received well, or something remotely practical, so I didn't… Then, at the end of it all, when you were sick, I couldn't bring myself to leave your side for an instant. I was convinced that if I did, all those nightmares would come true, and you wouldn't wake up, so when you did… I don't think I've ever been happier in my life. But then the next day, I was watching you walk away again, and it hurt more than anything. Did Senritsu ever tell you what I said to her that day?"

Kurapika shook his head, watery dark eyes finally rising to meet Leorio's.

"I asked her to keep an eye on you for me," Leorio smiled fondly. "I knew that there was nothing I could do for you, not at that point, so she seemed like the next best thing. She agreed, by the way, so, even when you weren't answering my calls, for a while there I was able to text her to make sure you were okay, and you have literally NO idea how much that saved my sanity."

Kurapika laughed again, shaking his head slightly--just enough to make his blond hair resettle and catch the sunlight, turning it to liquid gold. Leorio lost both his breath and his train of thought at the sight.

"Um, yeah," he mumbled, glancing down at his hands, wrapped firmly around Kurapika's long, thin fingers, and realized that didn't help his focus any either. "Sorry, I just kind of… lost my train of thought for a second there," he chuckled. "Anyways, uh… well, I guess the next time I saw you again was that first Zodiac meeting, but every time you walked away again… it was just the same, over and over again. The thought of you leaving… never knowing if I would actually see you again before you got yourself killed, and thinking that the next time I see you you might be lying dead in a coffin somewhere and I never would have gotten to say all of this, and…" He trailed off again, stopping to catch his breath, and realized, for the first time, that Kurapika's small hands had shifted just enough to squeeze his fingers, and were gripping them tighter and tighter. He glanced back up at Kurapika's face and was shocked to see the dark eyes full to overflowing with tears again.

"Uh, hang on, I have some tissues around here somewhere," Leorio looked around frantically.

"Leorio," Kurapika's voice was reduced to a hoarse whisper.

"Yeah?" he said softly, bringing his focus back to Kurapika's tear-streaked face.

Kurapika pulled his hands out of Leorio's grip and lifted them to cup his face. "I love you too."

Leorio froze, his warm eyes beginning to fill with tears as well. They sat like that for several seconds, before Leorio reached out, wrapped his arms around Kurapika, and pulled him into a bone-crushingly tight hug. Kurapika's arms slipped around his neck to return the embrace. Leorio felt Kurapika's soft, damp cheek brush against his own, along with a rapidly-growing damp spot on his shoulder, as Kurapika balled his fists in the fabric of Leorio's shirt.

They stayed wrapped in each other's arms for a long time. Leorio did his best to ignore the protests of his knees from kneeling for so long, but eventually had to loosen his grip on Kurapika and pull away. Reluctantly, the blond did the same, sitting back in the chair and wiping his cheeks.

"Could I get one of those tissues now?" he laughed, his voice thick from crying.

"Yeah," Leorio laughed too, reaching for the box on the top shelf of his desk.

Kurapika blew his nose noisily. "Sorry," he laughed. "I left a wet spot on your shirt."

"It'll dry," Leorio shrugged and sat back down on the bed.

"Can I say something now?"

"Yeah, go for it," Leorio laughed.

"I just… what you said, about the way you felt during the Hunter Exam, I just wanted to say, I felt… pretty much the same way," Kurapika said. He clenched his fists in his lap, staring hard at them. "I thought I hated you at first, but I realized pretty quickly that I didn't hate  _ you _ , just my first impression of you. I felt a need to protect you… and, again, at first I thought that was just because you seemed so incompetent"--

"Hey!"

"I said  _ seemed _ ! It didn't take me long to realize that you weren't incompetent, or stupid, or weak. Sometime during the fourth phase, when we were on that island, I realized that I wanted to protect you just because I didn't want to see you hurt, and because seeing  _ you _ hurt made me hurt too. Maybe it was in that cave with Gon and Ponzu and the snakes, seeing you covered in bites and half-dead from the venom… And all I wanted to do, then and after the exam, was to stay by your side and make sure you never got hurt again. But I had made a promise to myself and my clan, and I felt like I needed to fulfill that vow before I could go anywhere with you.

"Then, in Yorknew, when I was leaving with Senritsu, I saw how much you were hurting… and when I realized that  _ I _ was the one who was making you hurt, I felt like the worst person alive, and how could I keep you from getting hurt if I was the one hurting you? I saw it later too. That's why I tried to distance myself, by not picking up your calls and ignoring the texts and emails… I tried to pretend that I didn't care about you any more. I thought maybe if I lied to myself long enough, I'd actually start to believe it… which, clearly, didn't work.

"I think that, maybe, that's why I'm here now. Trying to say all the things I've refused to let myself say for years and hoping against all hope that you might not hate me, even after everything I've done, and all the times I've hurt you…"

He trailed off as Leorio stood back up and walked over. He crouched back down in front of Kurapika and rested a hand on Kurapika's cheek, the ruby earring hanging from the blond's left ear resting against his fingertips. Kurapika closed his eyes and leaned into Leorio's hand, his own hand reaching up to brush against Leorio's wrist.

"I could never hate you," Leorio murmured, leaning in to rest his forehead against Kurapika's. "Even through all the missed phone calls, and long nights wondering if you were still alive somewhere out there, and unanswered texts, when I thought about hating you, I could never actually make my heart do it. Sure, there were times when I was  _ beyond pissed _ at you, but I never have, and never will, hate you."

Kurapika opened his eyes, wide and pitch black from his contacts, and stared deep into Leorio's.

Leorio brushed a single stray tear away with his thumb and leaned in close. Slowly, haltingly, gently, he brought his lips to Kurapika's. His hand slipped around to the back of Kurapika's neck, fingers tangling in his impossibly soft hair. His other arm wrapped around Kurapika's middle, pulling his slim body close to Leorio's own. Kurapika wrapped his arms around Leorio again, grabbing on to the fabric of his shirt and holding on as though he was afraid Leorio would disappear--just as Leorio had felt about him earlier.

When Leorio pulled away, Kurapika gasped for breath, his chest heaving. Leorio ran his thumb over the pale skin under it again and kissed the tip of Kurapika's nose. "Breathe," he whispered.

Kurapika nodded and buried his face against Leorio's chest, shivering as tears welled in his eyes again. His fists tightened even more on Leorio's shirt, and he bit his lip, fighting back tears whose cause he couldn't understand.

"How am I supposed to catch my breath when you just steal it away again?"


End file.
